The highs, the lows

Under normal circumstances, good food, good wine, and good converstaion are nice. Type 1 is not normal circumstances. I went out to my favorite restaurant in Ithaca for a celebration with friends, and really the food was fabulous, the drinks were great the conversation great. But really in the end I checked myself too much, and ended up with a high sugar reading throughout the night. It is one of those things that would be so nice to not live with on certain nights. My husband is headed out of town this week and it would be sweet to have a nice night, no complications, no grumpiness, just a nice night together but I didn't have it. I am falling victim to this disease in moments like this. I have an infection from days earlier that is still lingering, and I am over thinking things and feeling down about the woman I have or have not become by 31. All of these thoughts in my head, and I wonder what would I be like without Type 1. I wonder if I would have carefree moments, more random easy nights, more love, less friction. More laughter, less stress. If it could go away even for a night, I just want to remember what it feels like to not have this extra thing hanging off of me, that I cannot detach and that I frankly hate. Is it a challenge? Is it something that I will overcome, and happiness will come once I accept fully what I am (A healthy Diabetic, who will take control over this) and am not (a scared woman who can't quite get a grip).
I know it would be best to not wish to be different than I am, to accept fully what I have and do not have. But that is not easy. So it is a challenge. It is something I have to deal with.
And I will keep going out on occasion to try to have some fun, and one of these nights, I'll give myself enough insulin to have one of those movie screen nights, where the ending is perfect and the sleep is good.