A Day in the Life
There are perks to this you know.
It can be easy to get down-real quick-about having the old Diabetes. I hear Wilfred Brimley's country voice occasionally telling me about supplies, I snap at my husband, I feel tired when I wish I had energy, I can't eat the rest of my super good chocolate birthday cake in one sitting-and I feel guilty that I even have a chocolate birthday cake. And I don't want this to go to my sons. I really don't want them to get this. And I worry about my brother who will get it eventually, but he lives with a bucnh of college guys, and will he really check his sugars when he should in the middle of the night?
But today I got to go to the zoo.
I got to go to the zoo because there is a little girl at the school where I work who is also a Type 1 Diabetic. She needed someone to go along with her on their field trip and check her sugars and make sure she took enough insulin after lunch.
I made a note to myself about how many times during our trip to the zoo I thought about my sugars. I tested myself four times. I checked her three times. That's 7 interruptions from the monkeys, the penguins, the leopards-and for me a couple more on the bus trip back. We walked a lot-walked! I'm 31 and I am concerned about how far I will be walking. I'm not overweight, I know I can handle it-but my pancreas cannot. I worry I will shake in front of the other students, or act out of sorts. I worry that I'll faint. I've never fainted in front of anyone because of Diabetes, I've never been hospitalized, but I am so freaking scared about it. So I do what any person who cannot control their blood sugars-I let my sugars go high-really high-like 410-after I finished my lunch-and then decided to take some insulin. I am guilty for doing all of this, and am worried about what I had for lunch-peanut butter on rice cakes, celery, grapes, chips, and I skipped out on the granola bar. but I also had some Vitamin Water. Sheesh. Nothing terrible-actually quite healthy. But I still feel bad. Damn this. It definitely is not easy.
Back to the perks. I took a break from the library in which I work, walked with the students, enjoyed the animals and in fact related to the idea of living like those animals. They don't fly at their cages-knowing they are trapped-they don't plan elaborate escapes-maybe they can't-though the crow is supposedly very intelligent-and may in fact. They don't throw the food back at their keepers, or scream at the visitors. They live with there fellow animals in their enclosures. They exist. Maybe happy, maybe not.
There are times when I can relate. But today I was not caged, concerned occasionally, distracted often, but not caged. No, I am human first, then Diabetic-somewhere far down the line. Way far down the line. I'm mom, wife, daughter, sister, granddaughter, friend, librarian, librarian who can go along on field trips, writer, photographer, gardener, reader, then maybe somewhere I am Diabetic. I am not caged.
It can be easy to get down-real quick-about having the old Diabetes. I hear Wilfred Brimley's country voice occasionally telling me about supplies, I snap at my husband, I feel tired when I wish I had energy, I can't eat the rest of my super good chocolate birthday cake in one sitting-and I feel guilty that I even have a chocolate birthday cake. And I don't want this to go to my sons. I really don't want them to get this. And I worry about my brother who will get it eventually, but he lives with a bucnh of college guys, and will he really check his sugars when he should in the middle of the night?
But today I got to go to the zoo.
I got to go to the zoo because there is a little girl at the school where I work who is also a Type 1 Diabetic. She needed someone to go along with her on their field trip and check her sugars and make sure she took enough insulin after lunch.
I made a note to myself about how many times during our trip to the zoo I thought about my sugars. I tested myself four times. I checked her three times. That's 7 interruptions from the monkeys, the penguins, the leopards-and for me a couple more on the bus trip back. We walked a lot-walked! I'm 31 and I am concerned about how far I will be walking. I'm not overweight, I know I can handle it-but my pancreas cannot. I worry I will shake in front of the other students, or act out of sorts. I worry that I'll faint. I've never fainted in front of anyone because of Diabetes, I've never been hospitalized, but I am so freaking scared about it. So I do what any person who cannot control their blood sugars-I let my sugars go high-really high-like 410-after I finished my lunch-and then decided to take some insulin. I am guilty for doing all of this, and am worried about what I had for lunch-peanut butter on rice cakes, celery, grapes, chips, and I skipped out on the granola bar. but I also had some Vitamin Water. Sheesh. Nothing terrible-actually quite healthy. But I still feel bad. Damn this. It definitely is not easy.
Back to the perks. I took a break from the library in which I work, walked with the students, enjoyed the animals and in fact related to the idea of living like those animals. They don't fly at their cages-knowing they are trapped-they don't plan elaborate escapes-maybe they can't-though the crow is supposedly very intelligent-and may in fact. They don't throw the food back at their keepers, or scream at the visitors. They live with there fellow animals in their enclosures. They exist. Maybe happy, maybe not.
There are times when I can relate. But today I was not caged, concerned occasionally, distracted often, but not caged. No, I am human first, then Diabetic-somewhere far down the line. Way far down the line. I'm mom, wife, daughter, sister, granddaughter, friend, librarian, librarian who can go along on field trips, writer, photographer, gardener, reader, then maybe somewhere I am Diabetic. I am not caged.
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