Bend Over
Shoes. Should they be comfortable, should they be stylish? I change my mind on this a lot. Good shoes are important for our foot health, and so on. But damn there are some ugly-ass comfortable shoes around. In any event I was trying to find the best pair to wear this morning, bending over deep into my closet to find a match. As I was peering into the depths, my son Wes started playing with my pump cord. Just like a cat and a string. He pulled it long, looked at it and rolled it around his pudgy little fingers. It's a toy to my sons. It has been since they were born. I remember changing my pump site from my belly to my butt while I nursed both boys, so their tiny feet wouldn't get tangled up in the line. Like fishing wire, that could cut off a toe.
They play with the blue screen light in the middle of the night when they can't fall asleep. I worry, and am cautious that they will give me insulin accidentally, but I also don't want them to fear this gadget that hangs from their mother. There are enough safety features that I would know if this were ever to happen-and I am only a foot away from them when they hold the pump.
Unlike how I am with friends, I am very open about testing my sugars, changing my pump site, and dealing with Diabetes in front of my children, and husband. I don't want them to think of me as different, or weak because I have diabetes. I want it to just be a part of our life-uninterrupting, just a piece to the large puzzle of our lives. They are at an age where everything is new to them, and they are curious without judgement. So when I tell them I am checking my blood sugars-they watch, and try to grab my tester out of my hands. They are boys-if they could they would probably throw it across the room and leave it out in the rain. If I could, I would throw it across the room and leave it in the rain.
I noticed that I sit differently in the car with my pump on. I always attach it to my backside, clipped to the rim of my skirts or jeans, or pants. and tuck it in so it looks like a beeper. When I first started wearing it, I hoped others thought that's what it was- a beeper-or cell phone. Now when I lean over and show the pump and the cord attached, oftentimes sticking out awkwardly, I am self conscious. It is something that draws attention to me but not in a flattering way. I'm working on making the pump a more fashionable accessory. We'll see.
But for now when it sticks out and I'm home, and Wes or Everett reach over to explore this weird thing connected to their mommy-it's okay, it's a time to talk about it and make it part of me, and my life as thier mom...as a diabetic.
They play with the blue screen light in the middle of the night when they can't fall asleep. I worry, and am cautious that they will give me insulin accidentally, but I also don't want them to fear this gadget that hangs from their mother. There are enough safety features that I would know if this were ever to happen-and I am only a foot away from them when they hold the pump.
Unlike how I am with friends, I am very open about testing my sugars, changing my pump site, and dealing with Diabetes in front of my children, and husband. I don't want them to think of me as different, or weak because I have diabetes. I want it to just be a part of our life-uninterrupting, just a piece to the large puzzle of our lives. They are at an age where everything is new to them, and they are curious without judgement. So when I tell them I am checking my blood sugars-they watch, and try to grab my tester out of my hands. They are boys-if they could they would probably throw it across the room and leave it out in the rain. If I could, I would throw it across the room and leave it in the rain.
I noticed that I sit differently in the car with my pump on. I always attach it to my backside, clipped to the rim of my skirts or jeans, or pants. and tuck it in so it looks like a beeper. When I first started wearing it, I hoped others thought that's what it was- a beeper-or cell phone. Now when I lean over and show the pump and the cord attached, oftentimes sticking out awkwardly, I am self conscious. It is something that draws attention to me but not in a flattering way. I'm working on making the pump a more fashionable accessory. We'll see.
But for now when it sticks out and I'm home, and Wes or Everett reach over to explore this weird thing connected to their mommy-it's okay, it's a time to talk about it and make it part of me, and my life as thier mom...as a diabetic.
Comments
But again, I didn't notice your testing at all when we were at the cabin, and maybe b/c I'm not the one doing it I don't notice. Or maybe I don't see your diabetes as much as you do in defining the wonderful you that is my friend.