In it and staying here
We have gone through a shit-ton of popsicles. I bought them 7 weeks ago in the beginning stages of our stay at home quarantine spurred by the worldwide pandemic caused by COVID-19. My thoughts on popsicles was that they are the one thing my kids eat after recovering from the flu and if we all get this flu-we will need popsicles to recover. It was a purchase of hope, not desperation-we will recover. Now, so many weeks later, we have stayed at home, gone out only for walks in nature, and the occasional drive-by birthday parade. Only my husband buys groceries, and we are even trying to minimize that by ordering groceries and things that can be delivered to our home. We are working, playing, crying, baking, socializing, learning, living at home strictly, and will for who knows how long. And eating all the popsicles.
This is life-changing beyond what we can imagine, and as a Type 1 Diabetic, this is challenging in new ways. In writing this blog for the past several years, off and on, I hope to help others know they are not alone in the challenges we Diabetics face. It is a sad day when one gets diagnosed with anything. Is there ever a happy diagnosis? Is pregnancy a diagnosis? That one would be a good one-though for some not always.
So here I sit, my BS was 164 when I woke up and I will again face the challenge of balancing exercise and food intake throughout my day, relaxation and stress, all the things that everyone is facing when we wake to face each new day in this newly uncertain world.
In slowing down life, I found hope in the idea that my blood sugars would be easier to control, not having places to go and less on my mind to manage. This is not necessarily the case- lots on my mind-days are still very full, and Diabetes remains my daily science experiment.
In the first weeks on isolation, I experienced the panic, and the preparation that followed. I ordered my insulin, and while doing so online I learned that there had to be an actual bill passed to keep the cost of insulin capped at an affordable rate. Going into a pandemic insulin cost was still a person's stress in this country. That, my friends, ain't right.
I took a long walk with my family, and saw my blood sugars drop quickly, not to a dangerous level, but to a point that frightened me and reminded me I am medically vulnerable in a time when no one wants to go to the doctor or hospital. That sucks.
I felt bad for myself and worried that if I get COVID-19, I could easily (because the reports of Diabetics succumbing in higher numbers) become one of the numbers of deaths that are so sadly creeping up continuously, every day. I faced that fear of death, and came to terms with mortality in a new way. Then the next day realized I just don't want to die, not yet. Is everyone feeling this too in their own way, Diabetes or not? I am thinking probably. That explains the tears, the arguments, the doubts, the protests, the connections with friends, the extra hugs, the showing up, the binge watching-the everything-the human experience in our world in April 2020.
And now here I am months into this new way of living, letting go of many expectations and waking up each day with a simple appreciation of being here- then watching the days unfold in their wild, surprising ways.
I hope that Diabetics who are balancing this time as mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, brothers, sons, fathers, coworkers, husbands know that you are not alone in your fears, you are not alone in your worries. You are not alone in your good days, or facing your high blood sugars and low blood sugars. It is okay to feel upset and sit with it and talk about it or hold it in. It is okay to buy all the popsicles and eat them.
I am here as one voice through this tiny little blog intended for the world to see, and intended to help anyone out there who may feel alone as a Type 1 Diabetic living your human and very real life. I am no marketer of information, but I can write myself out of a paper bag, and hope this message of togetherness and a gentle virtual hand to hold makes it to someone who needs it.
This is life-changing beyond what we can imagine, and as a Type 1 Diabetic, this is challenging in new ways. In writing this blog for the past several years, off and on, I hope to help others know they are not alone in the challenges we Diabetics face. It is a sad day when one gets diagnosed with anything. Is there ever a happy diagnosis? Is pregnancy a diagnosis? That one would be a good one-though for some not always.
So here I sit, my BS was 164 when I woke up and I will again face the challenge of balancing exercise and food intake throughout my day, relaxation and stress, all the things that everyone is facing when we wake to face each new day in this newly uncertain world.
In slowing down life, I found hope in the idea that my blood sugars would be easier to control, not having places to go and less on my mind to manage. This is not necessarily the case- lots on my mind-days are still very full, and Diabetes remains my daily science experiment.
In the first weeks on isolation, I experienced the panic, and the preparation that followed. I ordered my insulin, and while doing so online I learned that there had to be an actual bill passed to keep the cost of insulin capped at an affordable rate. Going into a pandemic insulin cost was still a person's stress in this country. That, my friends, ain't right.
I took a long walk with my family, and saw my blood sugars drop quickly, not to a dangerous level, but to a point that frightened me and reminded me I am medically vulnerable in a time when no one wants to go to the doctor or hospital. That sucks.
I felt bad for myself and worried that if I get COVID-19, I could easily (because the reports of Diabetics succumbing in higher numbers) become one of the numbers of deaths that are so sadly creeping up continuously, every day. I faced that fear of death, and came to terms with mortality in a new way. Then the next day realized I just don't want to die, not yet. Is everyone feeling this too in their own way, Diabetes or not? I am thinking probably. That explains the tears, the arguments, the doubts, the protests, the connections with friends, the extra hugs, the showing up, the binge watching-the everything-the human experience in our world in April 2020.
And now here I am months into this new way of living, letting go of many expectations and waking up each day with a simple appreciation of being here- then watching the days unfold in their wild, surprising ways.
I hope that Diabetics who are balancing this time as mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, brothers, sons, fathers, coworkers, husbands know that you are not alone in your fears, you are not alone in your worries. You are not alone in your good days, or facing your high blood sugars and low blood sugars. It is okay to feel upset and sit with it and talk about it or hold it in. It is okay to buy all the popsicles and eat them.
I am here as one voice through this tiny little blog intended for the world to see, and intended to help anyone out there who may feel alone as a Type 1 Diabetic living your human and very real life. I am no marketer of information, but I can write myself out of a paper bag, and hope this message of togetherness and a gentle virtual hand to hold makes it to someone who needs it.
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