The trauma of T1, and How to Heal
My nature is to assume everyone around me knows better. The experts are out there for me to learn from, and someday I will understand. From an early age, this is how we are taught- the experts are not us, they are the teachers, the doctors, the politicians.
In the past few years, my own awakening, maybe even our angry country's own awakening, has taught me how much I know inherantly-really all of us from our very first breath-and how little the experts know. This is incredibly healing and empowering.
As a Type 1 Diabetic, from the day I was diagnosed I rolled over on my back like a puppy, claiming I know nothing. Teach me. Give me a treat. (Can you tell I'm writing this with my dog as inspiration at my feet?)
When given news that my body isn't quite up to par, your pancreas doesn't work and you are now in charge of the science lab full of devices, insulin, doctors, test strips, and good luck! You got this!, I tended to seek help in high places, from the experts-someone must know more than me.
Since my diagnosis I have been met with a series of failures on a daily basis. When my numbers hit over 250, over 350, in my mind, I'm a failure, the experts will be disappointed with my A1C.
I have said this before many times, I loved being pregnant because I was gaining weight and working to healthily create a person-and my failures were overshadowed by the daily strength I provided to my growing babies and eventually thriving babies when I breastfed them. My body worked once again as it should. While I was pregnant, I was listening to everything my body and mind was telling me. I was massively present with the changes that were happening each day. It was my child that I must protect and watch over, and be entirely responsible for their lives. That presence with my body was forgotten on me once I started raising my children, post-partum. I put aside counting carbs always, even giving proper dosages of insulin for fear of going low while my babies, now children and teens, ran underfoot. I let anxieties that started to mount about nearly everything in my life take over my health and wellness. I didn't exercise on a regular basis-only when the idea struck me.
Our mental stability is incredible. As Type 1 Diabetics, we are experiencing a trauma to our bodies within, without a wolf chasing us. A simple high blood sugar reading, or a serious low that sends us on our asses, eating junk and waiting for our hearts to settle.
But my own mental stability has been carefully designed to keep my children free from worry, or puts my husband at ease, that reassurance to others that I'm okay. But it is sure to break down after years of a disease that essentially puts me into "fight or flight" on a regular basis. It wears a person out for sure. It wore me out.
Recently I had a pain in my hip-indicating mild arthritis and I was fortunately sent to physical therapy. I chose an office I knew from a friend and from work I had done on their website. I knew the process at this particular office is unlike many typical PT offices. There is no focus on pain and gain. The focus is on resetting the nervous system to heal itself, to let go of the weight of trauma, to build strength, heal and move on. So even though it was a mild arthritis diagnosis that got me there, really it was my T1 that would benefit from this experience. And it is.
Associative Awareness Technique has me sitting in a special chair designed to move sound waves through the body while sensory input via gentle touch and warmth are done for about an hour. This kind of healing is starting to pop up in schools, and in hospitals that understand just how connected our minds and bodies rely on a healthy nervous system.
A recent post on the local JDRF chapter Facebook page has people with T1 showing a simple sentence of how their lives would change if they didn't have Diabetes anymore. Nearly all of them have the word "worry" in them. "I wouldn't worry about...anymore" That is significant. I cannot remember a doctor's visit in which any of my endocrinologists have asked about the worry/anxiety factor. Which has always made me feel a bit like a complainer when I bring it up. And also made me think that if the experts aren't asking, then it probably isn't real, or worth putting effort into figuring out.
The weight of anxiety, fear, worry, physical trauma, can essentially kill us and our spirit. How we deal, with loving family, healthy eating, insulin, and any healthy form of stress relief is so very important. I have a feeling that my weight of anxiety from years of T1, will essentially be lifted over time via this approach. I have "woken" from my session feeling lighter, more aware of my own trauma and how to heal on a regular basis. Breathing is a large part as well. I have been prescribed to breath 4x per day slowly through my nose at least 15 to 30 times per day. How little we are reminded to slow down and breath as Diabetics whien here we are in the fight of our lives from morning to night. I know that sounds dramatic. But to me that is what it feels like.
Our traumas come in many forms from car accidents, abuses, chronic diseases, relationships. It is part of being a human in 2019. How we heal ourselves is so important, but also knowing that we need to heal is important. If I could have every T1 Diabetic experience this kind of healing it would be amazing. Start with breathing, and knowing we are the true experts of our own journeys.
In the past few years, my own awakening, maybe even our angry country's own awakening, has taught me how much I know inherantly-really all of us from our very first breath-and how little the experts know. This is incredibly healing and empowering.
As a Type 1 Diabetic, from the day I was diagnosed I rolled over on my back like a puppy, claiming I know nothing. Teach me. Give me a treat. (Can you tell I'm writing this with my dog as inspiration at my feet?)
When given news that my body isn't quite up to par, your pancreas doesn't work and you are now in charge of the science lab full of devices, insulin, doctors, test strips, and good luck! You got this!, I tended to seek help in high places, from the experts-someone must know more than me.
Since my diagnosis I have been met with a series of failures on a daily basis. When my numbers hit over 250, over 350, in my mind, I'm a failure, the experts will be disappointed with my A1C.
I have said this before many times, I loved being pregnant because I was gaining weight and working to healthily create a person-and my failures were overshadowed by the daily strength I provided to my growing babies and eventually thriving babies when I breastfed them. My body worked once again as it should. While I was pregnant, I was listening to everything my body and mind was telling me. I was massively present with the changes that were happening each day. It was my child that I must protect and watch over, and be entirely responsible for their lives. That presence with my body was forgotten on me once I started raising my children, post-partum. I put aside counting carbs always, even giving proper dosages of insulin for fear of going low while my babies, now children and teens, ran underfoot. I let anxieties that started to mount about nearly everything in my life take over my health and wellness. I didn't exercise on a regular basis-only when the idea struck me.
Our mental stability is incredible. As Type 1 Diabetics, we are experiencing a trauma to our bodies within, without a wolf chasing us. A simple high blood sugar reading, or a serious low that sends us on our asses, eating junk and waiting for our hearts to settle.
But my own mental stability has been carefully designed to keep my children free from worry, or puts my husband at ease, that reassurance to others that I'm okay. But it is sure to break down after years of a disease that essentially puts me into "fight or flight" on a regular basis. It wears a person out for sure. It wore me out.
Recently I had a pain in my hip-indicating mild arthritis and I was fortunately sent to physical therapy. I chose an office I knew from a friend and from work I had done on their website. I knew the process at this particular office is unlike many typical PT offices. There is no focus on pain and gain. The focus is on resetting the nervous system to heal itself, to let go of the weight of trauma, to build strength, heal and move on. So even though it was a mild arthritis diagnosis that got me there, really it was my T1 that would benefit from this experience. And it is.
Associative Awareness Technique has me sitting in a special chair designed to move sound waves through the body while sensory input via gentle touch and warmth are done for about an hour. This kind of healing is starting to pop up in schools, and in hospitals that understand just how connected our minds and bodies rely on a healthy nervous system.
A recent post on the local JDRF chapter Facebook page has people with T1 showing a simple sentence of how their lives would change if they didn't have Diabetes anymore. Nearly all of them have the word "worry" in them. "I wouldn't worry about...anymore" That is significant. I cannot remember a doctor's visit in which any of my endocrinologists have asked about the worry/anxiety factor. Which has always made me feel a bit like a complainer when I bring it up. And also made me think that if the experts aren't asking, then it probably isn't real, or worth putting effort into figuring out.
The weight of anxiety, fear, worry, physical trauma, can essentially kill us and our spirit. How we deal, with loving family, healthy eating, insulin, and any healthy form of stress relief is so very important. I have a feeling that my weight of anxiety from years of T1, will essentially be lifted over time via this approach. I have "woken" from my session feeling lighter, more aware of my own trauma and how to heal on a regular basis. Breathing is a large part as well. I have been prescribed to breath 4x per day slowly through my nose at least 15 to 30 times per day. How little we are reminded to slow down and breath as Diabetics whien here we are in the fight of our lives from morning to night. I know that sounds dramatic. But to me that is what it feels like.
Our traumas come in many forms from car accidents, abuses, chronic diseases, relationships. It is part of being a human in 2019. How we heal ourselves is so important, but also knowing that we need to heal is important. If I could have every T1 Diabetic experience this kind of healing it would be amazing. Start with breathing, and knowing we are the true experts of our own journeys.
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