Mind over Matter

For some reason moments of clarity and strength happen in the strangest of places.
Wegmans.
I love to shop there, what with all of the great stuff-natural, local, organic-but it is also one of the friendliest places to go with children. The grocery store is a big experience in our household, you know. Ever since my boys were young, I have suited them up, packed them in and scoured the parking lot looking for those damn giant car carts (which could probably qualify as a weapon of some degree-as I have knocked over a couple of really nice displays and people on occasion.) In any event, the boys get free samples at each counter, the layout is nice and I am always getting compliments on how good and well behaved my children are. That can really make a mother's heart soar. Really. Now watch-the next time I hit the store it's going to all fall apart.:)

So as a diabetic-grocery shopping is a challenge. I learned this around the first time I went shopping after I was diagnosed. I remember angrily looking at some guy trying to decide which icing-covered sweet cake he was going to buy. I never even considered those cakes before-I prefer to make my own. But all of a sudden, those cakes weren't an option for me to buy. It made me want to buy one. And I still linger at those displays a little too long in Wegmans. They're decorated in gold for crying out loud.

Deciding which foods to buy, what I'll prepare for my family and offer to them for snacks, etc., it's daunting. I want the food to be healthy and super low on sugar, if not free of it. But that is really tough. Not impossible- I know there are people out there who have been able to cut out sugar and write about it. And good for them. I haven't conquered that part of our lives yet. But I'm reading more-the latest-The Sugar Solution, by Sari Harrar. We'll see. All I can say is lots of cheese and lots of oats. Good thing those are accepted foods on my toddlers' menus.
So food is a challenge-shocking eh-for a Diabetic. I have to say my husband is always offering to go to the grocery store and shop for us, but for some reason that's a tough issue for me. Maybe it's a control thing. Wait-it is a control thing.

So on to my moment of clarity. It happened in the shopping line, when after reading labels, pushing the cart and boys throughout the store (it's got to be at least a mile) and talking/refereeing-I felt low. Shaky low. And I'm in line with the millions of other people waiting to get the hell home after a longer than expected trip to the grocery store. My tester is buried in my purse, under groceries, the free samples are crumbs on laps, the florescent lights are turning annoying, and I've got to keep unloading-expending energy. Of course, I chose the aisle with books and balloons as opposed to candy and soda.
So what am I left to do. Breath. I will be okay. I keep telling myself this. I have been low while cleaning the house and been able to keep cleaning knowing OJ is a second away. I can do this. I can do this. Groceries on the belt. Yes boys you can help. Breath. Write the check-is my writing okay? Can I still add numbers? I am okay. I really am.

By the time I get to the car I am at 79. Not bad. Not pass out bad. Everyone is fine. Safe in their carseats. The shoppers can breath easy now that the lady with the giant car cart and two little boys will not knock them over. And I can have a sip-guilt free-of the yummy organic juice I managed to find as I put the groceries in the car.
It is mind over matter. If I panicked and let myself worry about going low-making a scene at the store in front of the boys-it could have been chaotic and scary. I hope I can maintain composure more often than not.
I know it is not always possible. But talking myself through was good. I will be okay.